Insight and headaches.

     Yesterday was a doosie.  I literally cried until I fell asleep.  I woke up with swollen eyes and a bigger headache than I started with yesterday.  What I found was myself feeling confused and struggling to understand, truly understand C.  But it was like the door to my mind slammed shut at every turn and he was on hyper-drive to meltdown town.  He was so intense yesterday that I didn't know what to do with it.  Made worse by feeling like there's no one to help me with answers.  BUT, today is a new day, as they say.  I can only  hope it gets better.  I can't bear the thought of another day like that so soon.
     It's hard feeling like no one else understands, even your own family.  It really does make you feel alone.  So I laid in bed this morning, with that thought rolling around in my head.  If I felt so helpless, so frustrated, so minimized by others, how the hell does C feel?  Although most of his struggles are internal.  When you think something isn't bothering him, you're wrong. Give it about 5 days and then he will have a meltdown but you won't know why... You have to go all super sleuth to find out.   But if I feel so horrible on the inside and out, he's a kid, I don't know that I want to know how he feels.  Or is it even something that he can even process? So many questions, no one to answer them.
        I'm headed to the library to pick up a book I've been dying to read and they finally shipped it here for me.  I will still be waiting for a phone call from a lady who does the Aspie support group and from 2 doctors.  I did get a referral to a therapist in Medford that specializes in Aspergers, so I'm waiting on that call as well. I'm doing my best, but wish I wasn't the only one fighting so hard.

    Hoping for some insight, Tylenol to finally kick in, and less fighting amongst the boys today  (although it's all I hear at the moment...).
   -Nikki