We all have our good days and our not so great days. I feel my frustration piling up. I look around at people who have ordinary families and they just ask each other advise from time to time and it works great for everyone. But for me, it's like I'm standing with the whole world staring at me while I scream for help, but then every one looks at me like I'm speaking gibberish. I wish I had someone who truly understands what I go through on a daily basis. I wish I had someone to help me to understand Aspergers. Today, I simply feel defeated. It doesn't even feel like I'm crying, I just have tears trickling down my face. It's really odd. Although, defeat is not an option. I still have to get up and carry on.
I've had a headache for 5 days straight and I'm sure that's not helping things. I envy those who have family close enough to have a break. I just need a little time, to regather my thoughts and recharge my "emotional tank" so to speak, occasionally. For someone who needs things to be so ordered and structured, C sure does know how to shake things up in this house. I've been watching him the last 2 days become condescending to Ry. He's been complaining and having a hissy fit because he has to do things and wants help. But then when Ry helps C screams at him for not doing it right. Ry cries and C is still pissed that he's not getting help. I'm not sure how long I stay out of it. Honestly, if you want help, don't yell at the person who is helping you. If you don't like the way they are doing it, then do it yourself. There is no reasoning with him, his way is the right way. Big spoons can't go with little spoons, white bowls can't be stacked with brown bowls, BUT if I make Ry stop helping C thinks I'm the worlds worst mom and I'm unfair and mean, if I let Ry continue to help Ry things I'm mean and C refuses to be kind. I can't win. I try so hard to make things fair and even for him. But to what extent?
I've been fighting for him to get help for 7 years now. In that time I haven't stopped to ask for help for me. Now I'm screaming for it and don't know where to turn. So if anyone has any good ideas, I'm open for it, but please, if you do not understand Aspergers or Autism, do not pass judgments on my parenting or my kid. That's not what I'm looking for.
Giving anyone who reads today a giant hug, mostly because I need it,
-Nikki
Hugs for you today, because you deserve it
ReplyDeleteThank you. <3
DeleteHugs back to you. I can understand some of what you are going through my 10 year old stepson has been diagnosed as adhd inattentive and sometimes i wonder if there is a little aspergers in him as well. He is very routine orientated (breakfast by 8, lunch at 12 etc or if we play a game a 7 one day he will have it set up the next day at the same time) and when he doesnt get his way or somethings not right he goes 0 to 60 with the temper tantrums or as like to call them oscar award performances lol. 2 minutes later hes done the temper tantrum and off to whatever else and i am left completely drained.
ReplyDeletePatricia, you can express your concern to the school district and they will do a psych eval in school. That will do a few things for you, 1. you will get it narrowed down to what you should be looking for treatment wise. 2. He can get on an IEP and the school will be responsible for social training and such. However, the school can't just come out and say, I think your kid is Autistic, so ask. C has ADHD as well. In all the research I've been doing, apparently it is very common for the 2 diagnosis's to intermingle. Aspergers is largely about rigid thinking, rules, and fairness. I wish you the best of luck. Thanks for the hug!
Delete