Change+transitions+Asperger's=HELL

     We've been out for, let's just say..,. a while.  We've had a lot going on the last year that made it nearly impossible for me to have any spare time.  And one of the things that I had to let go of for the sake of time management was blogging and social media.  I finished up my degree and graduated college at the age of 32, while working AND interning, AND being a mom.... AND a wife.... AND... AND.  You get the idea.  I spent the majority of my time away from the house and the last 6 months I only say the boys from about 6:00-7:30 pm during the week.  Most of that time was spent cooking dinner and regular nightly routines.  My weekends were filled with homework, most Sundays were spent locked in the bedroom for anywhere between 6-11 hours doing school projects and that's just for myself.

     In November, the place I had been interning at for 2 years offered me a paying position.  This meant in addition to my internship.  But hell, I was going to get paid and that also meant when I graduated college, I would ACTUALLY be able to use my degree.  I averaged about 500 miles a week driving back and forth to work, then school, then back to work and back home.  
  
     Hubbs also changed jobs in December, he went from a cushy desk job, that he wasn't in love with, but paid well and had outstanding benefits, (which as most of you know is essential with neurotypical children, but even more so with special needs kiddos) to a job that had little to no benefits options and paid less, BUT, it's what he was training for and what he's wanted to do for at least the last 13.5 years that we have been together.   In the words of Rory Gilmore "You Jump, I Jump Jack!"  So the opportunity arouse and we made the jump.  It was terrifying making that jump, but it's like I said to people who were concerned about the choice, "he has supported me 100% for 4 years through college while I chased my dreams, I will not shoot down his".    We cashed out his retirement with the company he'd been at for 7 years to help supplement the income, applied for public health care (nightmare by the way but a separate post is needed for this story), and held on tight.  It's been 8 months and he is now bringing home MORE money each month, but the kicker, even on crappy days at work, he is still a much happier man.

     So all this leads to the real topic.  Change+transitions+Asperger's=HELL.  Yep, I said it.  HELL.  It was a big enough change when I started working, then less than a month later, Hubbs switched jobs and that meant no more early shift and being off to get he kids from school.  It meant day care before and after school.  It also meant seeing less of BOTH  parents.  You think when you make changes that the adults are the ones making the changes and finding out where to sacrifice time, fun, events, appointments, you know, life in general, and the kids, well they're just along for the ride, right?  NOPE.

     So here's where it gets reaaalllyyyyy interesting.  I knew and I mean just KNEW that C would be the one to lose his shit first.  Let's face it, being an Aspie and facing major life changes is, let's just say -shitty.  About mid January C (now 11) still held it together.  But my anxiety built every day, waiting and wondering when it would come.  We put so much effort and thought into making this as easy as possible for him, that some where in the process of all this Ry (now 7) got lost in the mix.  Not sure when it happened, or that we really even noticed him start to go wayward.  But eventually we noticed little things like him "borrowing" things from school that he really had no intention of returning, lying, emotional outbursts, and much, much more. 

     When it comes to your attention, suddenly you feel like the worst person alive.  I've been neglectful.  He'll hate me.  I've ruined him! < All the thoughts that run through your mind when you realize you just screwed up your typical kid.  Great.  I had ONE job, do NOT further screw these children up.  After we reprioritized it took us a few months to get him back on track  But here's the really great thing I learned from this.  You can try to control everything, you can plan until you are blue in the face, but the universe and all the people in it don't give a damn about your plan.  All we can do is trust the process.  Make a plan and roll with it, be fluid. Think about that for a second... isn't the idea beautiful?  By demanding and needing to control things I missed out on a lot this last year.  Especially with the kids.

      When I look back, you know where you watch what I call your "life movie trailer" I can see where C just let go, he rolled with the punches.  HE waited until the rest of us pulled out shit together and then lost his mind...,. but only a little.   This is when I saw that all the work he has been doing working on his social skills and behavior management is making real headway.  I'm so proud of him. And you know what?  I'm so proud of all of us.  These things don't happen over night and they are NEVER easy, but the whole family has banded together to help each other grow and learn and become the most successful versions of ourselves we can be. 

     C started summer school today, it will give him a jump start to the wonderful world of JR High.  He will spend the next 3 weeks getting an extra boost of reading and math in the middle school building.  So while we might think 3 extra weeks of school sounds awful, I'm excited for him to be able to acclimate himself to the building and staff before the upperclassmen and even the douchey kids (yeah, I just said that) from his class last year are all on campus.  I'm hoping that this will ease his transition and boost his confidence so hopefully his first "real" day doesn't come with a mega dose of uncontrollable sensory overload, because I remember JR high... and it was NOT my favorite time in life.  Did I mention C has been titrated off all his meds?  Yeah... We did that at the beginning of the summer.  I was getting more concerned with long lasting neurological effects because of how their brains are still forming, so I thought now or never.  And honestly, he's "busier" than before, but as for all the other stuff, I think he (and we) have enough coping strategies on board to make this work Au Naturel.

Thanks for coming back to visit us.  See you around the quad!

                   This is how we spend our summer, throwing rocks in creeks and catching crawdads.

 
    

oceans and blow guns.

Our week of camping went pretty smooth.  We of course had a few minor bumps, but nothing major.  C- wanted to be friends with a kid in the camp site next to us, but with all the parallel play that goes on with him, we had to cut the friendship short on the first day.  The "neighbor" kid was the definition of the kid off Toy Story that burned it's toys in the backyard and blew them up with firecrackers.  He had a blow gun and tried to shoot pine needles and cones at Ry and told stories of falling in the firepit at various times and putting fire crackers in fires and watching them go "BOOOM!!".  Then he proceeded to tell C that he could break his wrist in one move.  All I could think was, " really kid. Keep talking and his literal sense will show you how to do it... If he doesn't I might". Oh, did I mention that the GRANDPA of this kid walked around smoking a joint every 30-45 minutes?  I thought C was going to crap his pants with horror that someone would actually do that in front of kids and especially a baby (the blow dart kid had a tiny sister around 1 yr-18 months old).  He was very upset, I thank Young Marines for that drug awareness class. 
     So for conversation sake we will call this kid BDK (blow dart kid).  So, since we told the boys they weren't allowed to play with BDK they moved on to the other boys with bikes.  Every time they would ride around the camp loop they would have a new kid riding along side.  So BDK would come over to our camp and tell us how we are "suppose" to do things.  He would throw things in our fire and the mom and grandma would look over and let it happen.   When I was cooking dinner that consisted of ribs, potato salad, and baked beans, the kid says "you guys are lucky.. I think we're having ramen noodles.  They are cooking right now".  My MIL (mother in law) looked at him and said with a straight face " then maybe you should go over there and see".  I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.  He kept trying to invite himself to eat with us. I'm not a babysitter, I'm not a nanny.  I have my own kids, and right now I'm busy NOT watching them while they act like boys on their bikes somewhere... over ... there (think scarecrow scene from Wizard of Oz).  Thankfully with C's sense of rules I was able to let them ride their bikes around the "C" loop of the campgound until their feet wanted to fall off.
     The boys went fishing a few times and C caught a tiny fish and Ry caught some seaweed and a crab, which we ate for dinner. lol.

 My MIL wanted to go clamming so we got up early on Saturday and went on a quest for clams during minus tide.  We didn't have any rubber boots, so the walk out was disgusting and gave me a mild anxiety attack since we were in the bay.  But once we got out there it was just sand.  I wish I could have gotten pictures, Ry cried almost the whole time and C would find the ones that spit and would start digging for them.  It was pretty cool.  I would walk along with my dowel stick and find them and Danny and my MIL would dig them out.  We walked away with 3/4 of a bucket full of clams of different sorts. Some really big ones and some butter clams I think they were called.  Ry sliced his foot open on a broken shell, C- fell and scrapped his leg and elbow and also caught "big " air and ate crap on his bike.
     A few minor meltdown and some marshmallows and we were set.  It was fun, but I'm glad to be home.  I'm hesitant about how the day will go.  So far so good.  But there's always that adjustment period where C goes into fight of flight mode for a few days and his sensory issues rear their ugly head.  I did read on another blog "Inner Aspie" ( http://inneraspie.blogspot.com/ )that sometimes a strong touch will help calm the nerves.  He was laying down for a nap because his eyes were super darty and he was starting to go into panic mode from being too overstimulated with how the day was going.  I put my hand on his arm lightly and he kept moving away.  So what I had read popped into my head and I placed my hand very firmly on his harm and I felt his whole body relax and he whispered "thank you mom" and fell asleep almost instantly.
     Hopefully we make it through this week unscathed.

-Nikki