In November, the place I had been interning at for 2 years offered me a paying position. This meant in addition to my internship. But hell, I was going to get paid and that also meant when I graduated college, I would ACTUALLY be able to use my degree. I averaged about 500 miles a week driving back and forth to work, then school, then back to work and back home.
Hubbs also changed jobs in December, he went from a cushy desk job, that he wasn't in love with, but paid well and had outstanding benefits, (which as most of you know is essential with neurotypical children, but even more so with special needs kiddos) to a job that had little to no benefits options and paid less, BUT, it's what he was training for and what he's wanted to do for at least the last 13.5 years that we have been together. In the words of Rory Gilmore "You Jump, I Jump Jack!" So the opportunity arouse and we made the jump. It was terrifying making that jump, but it's like I said to people who were concerned about the choice, "he has supported me 100% for 4 years through college while I chased my dreams, I will not shoot down his". We cashed out his retirement with the company he'd been at for 7 years to help supplement the income, applied for public health care (nightmare by the way but a separate post is needed for this story), and held on tight. It's been 8 months and he is now bringing home MORE money each month, but the kicker, even on crappy days at work, he is still a much happier man.
So all this leads to the real topic. Change+transitions+Asperger's=HELL. Yep, I said it. HELL. It was a big enough change when I started working, then less than a month later, Hubbs switched jobs and that meant no more early shift and being off to get he kids from school. It meant day care before and after school. It also meant seeing less of BOTH parents. You think when you make changes that the adults are the ones making the changes and finding out where to sacrifice time, fun, events, appointments, you know, life in general, and the kids, well they're just along for the ride, right? NOPE.
So here's where it gets reaaalllyyyyy interesting. I knew and I mean just KNEW that C would be the one to lose his shit first. Let's face it, being an Aspie and facing major life changes is, let's just say -shitty. About mid January C (now 11) still held it together. But my anxiety built every day, waiting and wondering when it would come. We put so much effort and thought into making this as easy as possible for him, that some where in the process of all this Ry (now 7) got lost in the mix. Not sure when it happened, or that we really even noticed him start to go wayward. But eventually we noticed little things like him "borrowing" things from school that he really had no intention of returning, lying, emotional outbursts, and much, much more.
When it comes to your attention, suddenly you feel like the worst person alive. I've been neglectful. He'll hate me. I've ruined him! < All the thoughts that run through your mind when you realize you just screwed up your typical kid. Great. I had ONE job, do NOT further screw these children up. After we reprioritized it took us a few months to get him back on track But here's the really great thing I learned from this. You can try to control everything, you can plan until you are blue in the face, but the universe and all the people in it don't give a damn about your plan. All we can do is trust the process. Make a plan and roll with it, be fluid. Think about that for a second... isn't the idea beautiful? By demanding and needing to control things I missed out on a lot this last year. Especially with the kids.
When I look back, you know where you watch what I call your "life movie trailer" I can see where C just let go, he rolled with the punches. HE waited until the rest of us pulled out shit together and then lost his mind...,. but only a little. This is when I saw that all the work he has been doing working on his social skills and behavior management is making real headway. I'm so proud of him. And you know what? I'm so proud of all of us. These things don't happen over night and they are NEVER easy, but the whole family has banded together to help each other grow and learn and become the most successful versions of ourselves we can be.
C started summer school today, it will give him a jump start to the wonderful world of JR High. He will spend the next 3 weeks getting an extra boost of reading and math in the middle school building. So while we might think 3 extra weeks of school sounds awful, I'm excited for him to be able to acclimate himself to the building and staff before the upperclassmen and even the douchey kids (yeah, I just said that) from his class last year are all on campus. I'm hoping that this will ease his transition and boost his confidence so hopefully his first "real" day doesn't come with a mega dose of uncontrollable sensory overload, because I remember JR high... and it was NOT my favorite time in life. Did I mention C has been titrated off all his meds? Yeah... We did that at the beginning of the summer. I was getting more concerned with long lasting neurological effects because of how their brains are still forming, so I thought now or never. And honestly, he's "busier" than before, but as for all the other stuff, I think he (and we) have enough coping strategies on board to make this work Au Naturel.
Thanks for coming back to visit us. See you around the quad!
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