Long overdue update: Loneliness with a side of joy.

It's been so long since I last posted.  Life seems to have gotten away from me.  The day to day things have seemed so overwhelming that I have been incapable of adding "one more thing" to my to-do-list.  So much has happened the last two years.  Quick summary:

• Cayden is now a teenager.  With all it's glory.  He's MUCH taller than I am, wears a 12.5 in men's shoes, and his voice is very manly.... But boy, is this kid handsome!
• There have been six (if I'm counting correctly) cease and desist orders given to other children in his school due to their relentless bullying and assaults.  These situations were found that C was not at fault.  Were there times when he was upset because the other kids were not following the rules? Yep.  Did that aide in the attacks? Yep. Does that warrant theses malicious actions from others? Nope. These kids, unsolicited, make these plans to intentionally overwhelm and upset him.  His reaction is their entertainment.  One of the events was after school and we were on the phone together.  He was asking me if he could stay after school to finish some math homework.  There was a lot of screaming to which I heard C saying "STOP! DON'T TOUCH ME! I SAID STOOOOOP!".  I was 4 minutes from the school and couldn't get around traffic.  I couldn't hang up the phone and call for help, because if I did that, I wouldn't be able to give him instruction and help him get to safety.  These CHILDREN trapped C in a bathroom, chased him screaming and making threats.  I threw up twice that day and cried for hours.  It was the very first time he begged me to not send him back to school.  It was the very first day my faith in the school's ability to keep my child safe wavered.  And the next day I took the day off work and went to school with him, per his request.  Can you imagine?  A 7th grader inviting his mom to spend the day with him at school? I threw up twice that day and cried for hours.  But this was NOT the last time. 
• Escape routes and safety plans were implemented into his IEP this year due to the harassment, physical abuse, and verbal abuse he endured from his peers.  This sickens me.  What kind of a world do we live in, that so many other kids feel it is acceptable to antagonize others to their breaking point? 
• The school staff has been wonderful.  We have amazing communication and everyone of them is genuinely invested in his well being.  Many accommodations have been made that are, in their own ways, troublesome for the staff, but in his best interest.  So these things are followed through with without complaint.  As a professional I understand the limitations and the requirements to follow guidelines for disciplinary action.  As a mom, I'd like them to be banished to an island where respect, self discipline, and acceptance is mandatory to get off the island and back to their regularly scheduled life.  Buh-Bye.
• We have felt support and understanding come and go from friends and family members.  Most of which could not imagine living in our world.  The daily struggles, the extreme emotions, the hyper-vigilance.  The immense anxiety every time you see an email, text, or call from the school.  The time it takes to  respond to each of them.  I have lost friendships by their choice or mine.  When things get tough sometimes people have to go, for one reason or another.  Many relationships have been distanced and any information given has been censored to prevent conflict and judgement by others.  Because, again, they will never understand.  Our life will never be typical.  And your experience as a child and/or your child rearing practices will never be anything like ours.  Your judgments and opinions are invalid and not necessary, you will likely make things worse.  There is a difference between support and criticism, many do not understand where one line ends and the other begins.  And almost certainly find yourself on the outskirts, or the outs.  Our circle is small, but mighty.  We tend to like it that way.
•  I have a 3" binder FULL of correspondence (pages are printed 2 sided) from the last two years.  This does NOT include phone calls or texts.  I keep these for my own records.  It's how I track progress and declines. Much as you would with any research project.  You have to have data.  Living with a child on the spectrum means you must never stop learning and never stop trying to understand.   Information is power.
• I have heard "I totally understand my kid....", "that sucks, have you tried....",  "maybe he needs more consequences".  1. You will ever understand.  2. Yes, I've tried that.... and so much more than you'll ever fathom.  3. Screw off. There are consequences, consistent ones.

There's so much more.... but I think this is a pretty good snap shot.  I could go on for days.  So, now that we have that out of the way, here's the most recent update:

There are times in life when we feel lonely. Most of us have the ability to reach out to friends and family to pull us out of our funk. But imagine going over TWO years without spending any time with friends. Imagine never having a phone conversation with anyone besides your parents. Imagine believing you have these 4 great friends, but them not believing the same. Never including you, never reaching out to you. Never returning your text messages or answering your phone calls. Imagine how that fuels your loneliness and damages your confidence.... But imagine your brain works differently, so you cannot connect the events to the feelings. You have no idea why you feel this way. You so desperately want to "belong" and sought out, but no matter what you do, it doesn't happen. Now imagine being a parent to a child experiencing this. My heart is crushed. Yesterday was the last day of school. C came home feeling kind of bummed. It took him 6 hours to put the pieces together why he felt that way. He said "it's the last day of school and it might be the last time I ever see my friends". And he's right. We have made the choice to transfer him to a charter school next year. 

As a parent I cannot watch him go through any more turmoil, physical assaults, verbal assaults, fear, and anger. I don't know how to respond, except with a hug and an "I love you". I want so badly to give him the opportunity to have a friend. Just one. He sees the other kids hanging out and making plans. He sees his younger brother with a best friend for almost a year, the two inseparable. He envies that, I can tell. He feels left out and that it's "unfair". He's right. The look on his face and low tones in his voice tear my heart. I have to fight back my cries until I am alone because I do not want him to feel like he cannot talk to me, because he makes me sad. Because it's not him that makes me feel that way. I don't want him to think he has to take care of me. This is not about me. This is about my kid, he deserves love and acceptance. But in a world of disrespectful kids and low tolerance and understanding for those with differences, it seems he doesn't have a chance.

I want to take it all away.  I want to make people understand.  I want kids to know he is not a bad person.  He has challenges that are not typical.  He can be loud and react in ways others believe to be over the top (it totally is to the rest of us, but to him it's not).  He, like all of us, needs support, fun, and laughter.  He is a great friend.  He is loyal and he cares more than anything about your well being and safety.

I took him to see the drift cars this last weekend, just the two of us.... He got to ride along for almost an hour. He had the BEST time.  I haven't seen him that content in months. Even my girlfriends noticed a difference that night at dinner.  In those moments he spent with another person, driving ridiculously fast, burning through tires, wearing a helmet that was as heavy as a bowling ball ( I know because I went on a ride too, and holy cow) he felt peace.  He felt contentment and joy.  Imagine that.... pure joy. Look at that handsome, happy face.

We're on a mission to find and offer many more opportunities of joy this summer.  It may not fix the loneliness, but it can offer hope and joy, even if for a brief moment. 

Change+transitions+Asperger's=HELL

     We've been out for, let's just say..,. a while.  We've had a lot going on the last year that made it nearly impossible for me to have any spare time.  And one of the things that I had to let go of for the sake of time management was blogging and social media.  I finished up my degree and graduated college at the age of 32, while working AND interning, AND being a mom.... AND a wife.... AND... AND.  You get the idea.  I spent the majority of my time away from the house and the last 6 months I only say the boys from about 6:00-7:30 pm during the week.  Most of that time was spent cooking dinner and regular nightly routines.  My weekends were filled with homework, most Sundays were spent locked in the bedroom for anywhere between 6-11 hours doing school projects and that's just for myself.

     In November, the place I had been interning at for 2 years offered me a paying position.  This meant in addition to my internship.  But hell, I was going to get paid and that also meant when I graduated college, I would ACTUALLY be able to use my degree.  I averaged about 500 miles a week driving back and forth to work, then school, then back to work and back home.  
  
     Hubbs also changed jobs in December, he went from a cushy desk job, that he wasn't in love with, but paid well and had outstanding benefits, (which as most of you know is essential with neurotypical children, but even more so with special needs kiddos) to a job that had little to no benefits options and paid less, BUT, it's what he was training for and what he's wanted to do for at least the last 13.5 years that we have been together.   In the words of Rory Gilmore "You Jump, I Jump Jack!"  So the opportunity arouse and we made the jump.  It was terrifying making that jump, but it's like I said to people who were concerned about the choice, "he has supported me 100% for 4 years through college while I chased my dreams, I will not shoot down his".    We cashed out his retirement with the company he'd been at for 7 years to help supplement the income, applied for public health care (nightmare by the way but a separate post is needed for this story), and held on tight.  It's been 8 months and he is now bringing home MORE money each month, but the kicker, even on crappy days at work, he is still a much happier man.

     So all this leads to the real topic.  Change+transitions+Asperger's=HELL.  Yep, I said it.  HELL.  It was a big enough change when I started working, then less than a month later, Hubbs switched jobs and that meant no more early shift and being off to get he kids from school.  It meant day care before and after school.  It also meant seeing less of BOTH  parents.  You think when you make changes that the adults are the ones making the changes and finding out where to sacrifice time, fun, events, appointments, you know, life in general, and the kids, well they're just along for the ride, right?  NOPE.

     So here's where it gets reaaalllyyyyy interesting.  I knew and I mean just KNEW that C would be the one to lose his shit first.  Let's face it, being an Aspie and facing major life changes is, let's just say -shitty.  About mid January C (now 11) still held it together.  But my anxiety built every day, waiting and wondering when it would come.  We put so much effort and thought into making this as easy as possible for him, that some where in the process of all this Ry (now 7) got lost in the mix.  Not sure when it happened, or that we really even noticed him start to go wayward.  But eventually we noticed little things like him "borrowing" things from school that he really had no intention of returning, lying, emotional outbursts, and much, much more. 

     When it comes to your attention, suddenly you feel like the worst person alive.  I've been neglectful.  He'll hate me.  I've ruined him! < All the thoughts that run through your mind when you realize you just screwed up your typical kid.  Great.  I had ONE job, do NOT further screw these children up.  After we reprioritized it took us a few months to get him back on track  But here's the really great thing I learned from this.  You can try to control everything, you can plan until you are blue in the face, but the universe and all the people in it don't give a damn about your plan.  All we can do is trust the process.  Make a plan and roll with it, be fluid. Think about that for a second... isn't the idea beautiful?  By demanding and needing to control things I missed out on a lot this last year.  Especially with the kids.

      When I look back, you know where you watch what I call your "life movie trailer" I can see where C just let go, he rolled with the punches.  HE waited until the rest of us pulled out shit together and then lost his mind...,. but only a little.   This is when I saw that all the work he has been doing working on his social skills and behavior management is making real headway.  I'm so proud of him. And you know what?  I'm so proud of all of us.  These things don't happen over night and they are NEVER easy, but the whole family has banded together to help each other grow and learn and become the most successful versions of ourselves we can be. 

     C started summer school today, it will give him a jump start to the wonderful world of JR High.  He will spend the next 3 weeks getting an extra boost of reading and math in the middle school building.  So while we might think 3 extra weeks of school sounds awful, I'm excited for him to be able to acclimate himself to the building and staff before the upperclassmen and even the douchey kids (yeah, I just said that) from his class last year are all on campus.  I'm hoping that this will ease his transition and boost his confidence so hopefully his first "real" day doesn't come with a mega dose of uncontrollable sensory overload, because I remember JR high... and it was NOT my favorite time in life.  Did I mention C has been titrated off all his meds?  Yeah... We did that at the beginning of the summer.  I was getting more concerned with long lasting neurological effects because of how their brains are still forming, so I thought now or never.  And honestly, he's "busier" than before, but as for all the other stuff, I think he (and we) have enough coping strategies on board to make this work Au Naturel.

Thanks for coming back to visit us.  See you around the quad!

                   This is how we spend our summer, throwing rocks in creeks and catching crawdads.

 
    

Meet Millie, C's new companion.

About 4 weeks ago we welcomed a lab/sheppard mix into our home at the adivce of C's psychologist, autism specialist, last years teacher, and principle.  I did a lot of research on the effects (or affects, I never know which one it is LOL) a dog can have on a child-or adult- with ASD.   Here are some facts about why we made this choice:

• Some proponents assert that such dogs do more than enhance physical safety. Some  (e.g., Autism Service Dogs of America, 2011) argue that the dogs provide a “calming presence” that  “can minimize and often eliminate emotional outbursts.” Some advocates believe that such dogs can provide “…. a focus through which the child can interact with other children. This helps increase the opportunity for the child to develop social and language skills.” Burrows, et al. (2008a) believe that dogs can positively influence children with autism in the areas of arousal and sensory stimulation, improving concerns in these areas. In addition, dogs can function as a “transitional object,” allowing the child with autism to first bond with the dog, an easier creature with which to do so, and this may eventually increase bonding with humans.  (http://www.operationautismonline.org/blog/the-role-and-benefits-of-autism-service-dogs-2/)

• Autism is a severe developmental disorder that affects the way a child sees and interacts with the rest of the world. It effects sensory, memory, motor and postural control. Social and communication skills may be compromised leading to social isolation both within the family and with other people. Many autistic children display a tendency to bolt in open spaces making going to a mall or a restaurant almost impossible. Many autistic children also experience difficulty sleeping and often suffer from insomnia. Children with autism are often misunderstood because they process information in a different way. They deal with facts, not concepts which can be a problem for parents and teachers. Because information is processed in a very detailed oriented way, the autistic person will sort through both major and minor stimuli, a car driving by, the smell of their clothing or the sound of a dog barking to make a decision. Too many details can cause them to become overstimulated and confused by everyday situations.(http://www.autismassistancedog.com/)

1. Increased social interaction - assistance dogs have proven to improve social skills and social interaction with children affected by autism. These dogs are naturally interesting which often draws the attention of the autistic child as well as others.
2.  Redirecting repetitive behaviors - dogs can be taught to nudge a child that is performing repetitive behaviors, this touch is often all that is required to redirect the child from these behaviors.
3.  Improved independence - assistance dogs can provide independence by allowing the child to walk with the dog as opposed to constantly holding the hand of a parent or adult. These highly skilled dogs can assist the child while under the direction of the adult.
4.   Increased vocabulary - children with autism are often noticed to have an increase in vocabulary after being paired with an assistance dog. The children seem to be more comfortable in speaking with the dog which transfers to more verbal interaction with people.
5.  Improved quality of sleep - assistance dogs provide a certain level of comfort that can often improve a childs ability to sleep more throughout the night.
6.  Overall calming ability - when performing everyday tasks, children feel less pressure working with a dog as opposed to their peers. The tactile experience of having a dog as a companion has also proven to provide calming effects. Autistic children who work with dogs have been documented to feel less anger and experience less acts of aggression compared to the time before receiving an assistance dog.

  After months of consideration, research, and planning we took the plunge and brought home Millie.  We made a deal with C that we would take care of the financial responsibilites but the rest is up to him.  Poop patrol, food, water, walking, etc. 

Meet Millie-

So here's the breakdown of our first month.

•  Cayden has taken control and has followed through with his end of the bargain without fuss.  When weather permits he takes her on walks.  Success number one! 

About 5 days after we brought her home something fails to go as planned after a day full of "every one HATES me" cries, and as most of you know in A.S.D.-land  that is an recipe for disaster.  About 3:45 and there is screams and tears, hyperventilating, throwing of toys, followed by a face plant on the floor.  Millie stands up, walks into the war zone, lays next to him on the floor and literally in less than 3 seconds the crying and body flailing stops.  I peek in the door to make sure she didn't have a choke hold on him, and honestly wouldn't blame her (LOL This is a joke people, relax).  Nope.  They are laying side by side, her head on his arm, his head on her shoulder.  He is softly stroking her ear and confiding all his concerns in a whisper to her.  Ok. FLUKE. And, Hubbs was convinced I was exaggerating.  
Week 2. Kids at school suck.  Homework isn't going to happen.  Any request made by me was followed with frustrated cries and screams.  "Go to your room!".  C-" EVERRYYYYY ONEEEE HATESSSSS MEEEEEE!!!! I can't stand it, I can't do it any more!" stomp, stomp, slam! Flying bean bags, bouncing legos, earthquaking bunkbeds.  I take the dog by the collar and lead her to his room, she doesn't hesitate and goes in. I shut the door behind her.  3.2.1. Quiet.  Same result as last week.  Ok, maybe people are on to something here. Again, although Hubbs is slightly more open to the idea that its working, he still isn't convinced it will last.
Saturday of Week 3. We are walking on egg shells and waiting for the meltdown. Every time we speak to C we wince in anticipation that, that was the comment that is going to do it. 9 am.  Tick, tick, BOOM! (this time Hubbs is home). Meltdown ensues.  About 4 minutes in   "Wait a minute, we have Millie, watch this" I say.  I lead the dog to the room and... 3.2.1. quiet.  Hubbs "No effin way".  Me "told you".
A few days ago, he is having troubles again, the entire day is a battle.  As he nears the edge of the meltdown cliff, I told him to take the dog and spend time only with her.  It was like a fairy wand.  Crisis averted.  Hubbs is now officially convinced it is working. 
A typical meltdown involves anywhere from 1-3 hours of crying, screaming, room rearranging ( i.e. tossing shit around) and us wishing we would have bought those ear plugs for ourselves but never remember.  It is almost guaranteed to happen a minimum of 3 times a month (that is 3-9 hours of hell), every month, for his entire life.  Since we have had Millie, same cycle, But less than 10 minutes TOTAL in a month.  We have noticed a lighter feeling in the house since she has been here.  She makes us all a little happier.  She is kind and patient and very obedient.   It has been a lot of extra house work, because I hate the look of animal hair everywhere, and sometimes I forget we have a dog when I let her outside. lol. 

Overall, I wish we would have made this step a long time ago.  But everything happens for a reason at the time it needs to happen.  We have had a lot of support in our decision and we are extremely grateful!

Model kinder and New Friends

So Ry went to his very first day of Kindergarten.  He got up early, showered, ate only half of his breakfast, brushed his teeth until they were "sparkly squeaky clean".  Made sure the (now pay attention here) tag in the inside of the pants matched the color of the shirt, because otherwise people will know and they won't think he's cool.   Upon arrival he was so excited that he couldn't hardly wait to get started.  He hung out on the playground with C for a few minutes.  While we were standing there we snuck a peek as C's new friend he's been telling us about.    The boy was kind and even took a break from wall ball to help C teach Ry to play.  It was cute.  Finally, the bell rang.  The kinders lined up on the #5 painted on the playground.  It was time for class.  The excitement took a back seat to reality, crap, mom's really going to leave me here.  He hesitated for a minuted and gave me a giant hug...a really long one. I told him he'd have to let go soon.  He whispered, "not yet".  My little heart melted.  So one last squeeze of a hug and he got in line.  Up the ramp he went with all the other little ducklings in a line.  Dad stepped up and gave him a high 5 and that's all he needed to know it was going to be OK.  The anxious face faded and that little cheesy smile we love came back out.

We walked down (we live very close to the school and we is hubbs and I - he took the day off for Ry's first day of Kindergarten as he did for C when he was 5) to the school to get him and when we got there he was all smiles and ready to go.  We asked him what he did and his answer " I just hung out".  LOL. Really? We saw the principal (who I adore a great deal-she's a very kind hearted person) on our way off he property and apparently he set quite the example for the rest of the kids she said, "he was a model student". HAHAHAHAHA. Whaaaat?  Well. I've trained him well.  He talks about what he had for lunch and the fact that he got to eat in a cafeteria which is almost as cool as getting a new bike.  If I had known that I could have saved a shit ton of money on his birthday.  Kidding.  Kind of. ;)   So we ask what else he did at school.  " I played, I criss cross applesauced, I went pee..."  me-"where did you pee? You know you can't pee outside at school right?".  Ry-"oh yes, I peed inside".  Try to hold your laughter in on that conversation.  He also told us about his sticker he had to wear that told them where each kid went at the end of the day: pick up/bus and how she told him he HAD to leave it on all day.  We get in the house and he takes a nap with ease.  Did I mention he fell asleep with his spiderman mask on? Yep. He did. When he gets up he comes out, still with the mask on, and tells me "can you call Ms. *** (censored for her privacy) and ask her if I can take my sticker off?  I'm bored of it now".    Seriously hilarious.

So C comes home and does his homework.  Without fuss. Can I say amazing?  So he tells me that he gave his N.F. (new friend also for their privacy) our phone number.  N.F. asked his dad if C could come to his birthday party and his dad said sure.  So C, the awesome kid that he is, asks "wait, does your family do drugs? Because I can't come over if your family does drugs" LMAO.  NF said "no, 100% they do not".  Pure Asperger  bluntness. I love it.

Cheers to a successful Monday.  Hope you all enjoy the rest of your week.

Accountability and Understanding

     I find when I get busier that its harder to be understanding to what C is all about.  I find myself losing my patience more, saying things that aren't relevant, and not taking the time to try to decode him.  I laid in bed and regretted most of my attitude towards him that day.  Guilt is a horrible thing to feel.  He didn't do anything that I would consider wrong, I just felt like I no longer had the patience to really hear what he's saying and understand why he did what he did.  I woke up this morning and am still beating myself up a bit for it.  I know he says things that don't make sense to me, but he doesn't know how else to explain them.  I shouldn't fault him for that.  His thought process is just totally different than mine.  I see him mimicking things more and more.  Things that, as I reflect on it, I realize he has seen or heard somewhere else, or even worse, me.  I've known he mimics, but I suppose I've never been fully aware of how often and to what magnitude.  The very things I'm getting on his case about are things that I let him watch on tv, or allow him to hear in conversations.  They say children are like sponges, but most children don't have extraordinary memories and precise facts.  We made the decision yesterday to remove most of the television. We found we were getting too lax about the shows they were watching and it became an issue for him to even pause a show because he "HAD TOOOO" watch it.  No more Beyblade, no more Ninjago.   In the process we've corrupted him, he really likes ALF. hahaha... He's a child after my own heart.
   



 I wish there was a manual for parenting an Aspie.  And I suppose more than parenting,  a guide to understanding in the moment, not just in hindsight.   I've talked about it before, but managing yourself really is harder than trying to manage their behavior.  Being accountable for yourself, for lack of a better term, sucks.  I find I spend so much time trying to "train" my kids to be respectful and responsible, that it's possible I forgot to practice it myself.   



     On a brighter note, we had some friends from out of town stay with us last night.  Ry went to my mom's house so it was just C and 2 other kids (they have known each other their entire lives).  There was no fighting, no whining.  They played together the entire time up until about 10:30 this morning when they left.  I think it was good for him, he seems much more relaxed today.   All week I've watched his body get more and more tense.  By Friday his eyes were sunken in and darty, his shoulders were rolled up and he couldn't sit still.  A little break from his brother and a few friends who know how to follow the rules of and share similar interests in games.
     I'm off to buy stock in Adidas, (haha, not really but it seems like it) because they are the only shoes he will wear.  He won't wear sandals or flip flops, hates wearing socks, and cries when he can't wear his favorite shoes.  The peanut gallery can hold their comments about not letting your child be "picky".  Ask either one of my kids and they will tell you our motto is "you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit".  Until you have been in my "shoes" (pun totally intended) you can't judge.  There are certain things that have to be consistent where Asperger's is involved.  And if shoes is one of them, then so be it.

Black and white minded don't really like black and white things....

After an hour long phone conversation with an old friend of mine last night I went to bed later than usual.  I turned the TV on to try and unwind a bit and what did I find? Alf.  I couldn't resist.  After Alf, was Wonder Years.  I was in 80's child euphoria!

Watching these shows got me to thinking about the other day, I was watching The Adams Family.
C comes to sit down and says," wait, is this whole thing in black and white?".  Yep, it sure is.  Ry loved it, but C didn't.  I found it funny that someone who see's the world in black and white doesn't really care for things that are actually black and white, they are just not interesting.

     Earlier that evening after my husband got home from work, he sat down to do a writing assignment ( he also goes to college and works full time *sooo proud of him) and the topic was these millions of ADHD diagnoses that seem to be all the rave these days.  I'm very opinionated about an ADHD/ADD diagnosis.  My thoughts are this: remove processed foods and eat foods that are free of dyes and other chemicals and preservatives, remove/limit overstimulating activities like too much tv and video games, get the kids up and play.  I'd be willing to be that at least half the kids diagnosed would see symptoms fade.But unfortunately there are a lot of parents who jump for meds instead of testing first.  Did you know that preservatives and dyes are linked to causing hyperactivity in children?  
    
    So all these thoughts are swirling around in my head like they were dancing the freaking cha cha at midnight and here's the result of my thinking:

• when and why did tv become so offensive?  When did it become ok for a cartoon to call someone an idiot? ( Sponge Bob, which my kids aren't allowed to watch)
• when was the first time they were allowed to say "b!t@$" on day time television and was it a total shock to everyone?
• I like guilty pleasure tv as much as the next guy, probably even more... I LOVE tv.  
• I'm glad I don't let them watch too much tv.
• They are buttholes when they watch too much tv.
• I wonder if anyone else is watching Alf.
• I'm never going to fall asleep.
• Ohh my goooodness, Ry snores like a wind tunnel...
• Danny snores like a mac truck's jake brake.
• I want sleep.
• I want pie.
• I wan......

And that's all I remember.  So I sit here, so peaceful feeling this morning, glad I'm a strict as I am with tv and video game rules, drinking my coffee and listening to only the keyboard and the birds.  It must be the day I buy a lottery ticket because both kids are still alseep.  I even heard C's watch alarm go off about 10 mins ago and still no kids.
     I wonder what would happen if I only let the kids watch shows from 1990 and earlier....

Ry is awake and concerned that he woke up too late and didn't get a hug and a kiss from his dad before he left for work.  And this turns into him being concerned about how Cayden will feel when he wakes up and realizes he's missed it too.  At this very moment Ry is putting the silverware away "so Cayden doesn't have much to do when he wakes up" to try and ease up the morning for him.  It's not often, but I am seeing from time to time that they are very considerate of each others feelings and it's almost like C is  learning some of this compassion from his little brother.  It's funny to watch the roles be reversed. 

This is my boys at my sisters wedding a few weeks ago...  It's a beautiful moment.

For the love of old tv shows, comradery, and a wholesome childhood.  

     -Nikki