Meet Millie, C's new companion.

About 4 weeks ago we welcomed a lab/sheppard mix into our home at the adivce of C's psychologist, autism specialist, last years teacher, and principle.  I did a lot of research on the effects (or affects, I never know which one it is LOL) a dog can have on a child-or adult- with ASD.   Here are some facts about why we made this choice:

• Some proponents assert that such dogs do more than enhance physical safety. Some  (e.g., Autism Service Dogs of America, 2011) argue that the dogs provide a “calming presence” that  “can minimize and often eliminate emotional outbursts.” Some advocates believe that such dogs can provide “…. a focus through which the child can interact with other children. This helps increase the opportunity for the child to develop social and language skills.” Burrows, et al. (2008a) believe that dogs can positively influence children with autism in the areas of arousal and sensory stimulation, improving concerns in these areas. In addition, dogs can function as a “transitional object,” allowing the child with autism to first bond with the dog, an easier creature with which to do so, and this may eventually increase bonding with humans.  (http://www.operationautismonline.org/blog/the-role-and-benefits-of-autism-service-dogs-2/)

• Autism is a severe developmental disorder that affects the way a child sees and interacts with the rest of the world. It effects sensory, memory, motor and postural control. Social and communication skills may be compromised leading to social isolation both within the family and with other people. Many autistic children display a tendency to bolt in open spaces making going to a mall or a restaurant almost impossible. Many autistic children also experience difficulty sleeping and often suffer from insomnia. Children with autism are often misunderstood because they process information in a different way. They deal with facts, not concepts which can be a problem for parents and teachers. Because information is processed in a very detailed oriented way, the autistic person will sort through both major and minor stimuli, a car driving by, the smell of their clothing or the sound of a dog barking to make a decision. Too many details can cause them to become overstimulated and confused by everyday situations.(http://www.autismassistancedog.com/)

1. Increased social interaction - assistance dogs have proven to improve social skills and social interaction with children affected by autism. These dogs are naturally interesting which often draws the attention of the autistic child as well as others.
2.  Redirecting repetitive behaviors - dogs can be taught to nudge a child that is performing repetitive behaviors, this touch is often all that is required to redirect the child from these behaviors.
3.  Improved independence - assistance dogs can provide independence by allowing the child to walk with the dog as opposed to constantly holding the hand of a parent or adult. These highly skilled dogs can assist the child while under the direction of the adult.
4.   Increased vocabulary - children with autism are often noticed to have an increase in vocabulary after being paired with an assistance dog. The children seem to be more comfortable in speaking with the dog which transfers to more verbal interaction with people.
5.  Improved quality of sleep - assistance dogs provide a certain level of comfort that can often improve a childs ability to sleep more throughout the night.
6.  Overall calming ability - when performing everyday tasks, children feel less pressure working with a dog as opposed to their peers. The tactile experience of having a dog as a companion has also proven to provide calming effects. Autistic children who work with dogs have been documented to feel less anger and experience less acts of aggression compared to the time before receiving an assistance dog.

  After months of consideration, research, and planning we took the plunge and brought home Millie.  We made a deal with C that we would take care of the financial responsibilites but the rest is up to him.  Poop patrol, food, water, walking, etc. 

Meet Millie-

So here's the breakdown of our first month.

•  Cayden has taken control and has followed through with his end of the bargain without fuss.  When weather permits he takes her on walks.  Success number one! 

About 5 days after we brought her home something fails to go as planned after a day full of "every one HATES me" cries, and as most of you know in A.S.D.-land  that is an recipe for disaster.  About 3:45 and there is screams and tears, hyperventilating, throwing of toys, followed by a face plant on the floor.  Millie stands up, walks into the war zone, lays next to him on the floor and literally in less than 3 seconds the crying and body flailing stops.  I peek in the door to make sure she didn't have a choke hold on him, and honestly wouldn't blame her (LOL This is a joke people, relax).  Nope.  They are laying side by side, her head on his arm, his head on her shoulder.  He is softly stroking her ear and confiding all his concerns in a whisper to her.  Ok. FLUKE. And, Hubbs was convinced I was exaggerating.  
Week 2. Kids at school suck.  Homework isn't going to happen.  Any request made by me was followed with frustrated cries and screams.  "Go to your room!".  C-" EVERRYYYYY ONEEEE HATESSSSS MEEEEEE!!!! I can't stand it, I can't do it any more!" stomp, stomp, slam! Flying bean bags, bouncing legos, earthquaking bunkbeds.  I take the dog by the collar and lead her to his room, she doesn't hesitate and goes in. I shut the door behind her.  3.2.1. Quiet.  Same result as last week.  Ok, maybe people are on to something here. Again, although Hubbs is slightly more open to the idea that its working, he still isn't convinced it will last.
Saturday of Week 3. We are walking on egg shells and waiting for the meltdown. Every time we speak to C we wince in anticipation that, that was the comment that is going to do it. 9 am.  Tick, tick, BOOM! (this time Hubbs is home). Meltdown ensues.  About 4 minutes in   "Wait a minute, we have Millie, watch this" I say.  I lead the dog to the room and... 3.2.1. quiet.  Hubbs "No effin way".  Me "told you".
A few days ago, he is having troubles again, the entire day is a battle.  As he nears the edge of the meltdown cliff, I told him to take the dog and spend time only with her.  It was like a fairy wand.  Crisis averted.  Hubbs is now officially convinced it is working. 
A typical meltdown involves anywhere from 1-3 hours of crying, screaming, room rearranging ( i.e. tossing shit around) and us wishing we would have bought those ear plugs for ourselves but never remember.  It is almost guaranteed to happen a minimum of 3 times a month (that is 3-9 hours of hell), every month, for his entire life.  Since we have had Millie, same cycle, But less than 10 minutes TOTAL in a month.  We have noticed a lighter feeling in the house since she has been here.  She makes us all a little happier.  She is kind and patient and very obedient.   It has been a lot of extra house work, because I hate the look of animal hair everywhere, and sometimes I forget we have a dog when I let her outside. lol. 

Overall, I wish we would have made this step a long time ago.  But everything happens for a reason at the time it needs to happen.  We have had a lot of support in our decision and we are extremely grateful!

Model kinder and New Friends

So Ry went to his very first day of Kindergarten.  He got up early, showered, ate only half of his breakfast, brushed his teeth until they were "sparkly squeaky clean".  Made sure the (now pay attention here) tag in the inside of the pants matched the color of the shirt, because otherwise people will know and they won't think he's cool.   Upon arrival he was so excited that he couldn't hardly wait to get started.  He hung out on the playground with C for a few minutes.  While we were standing there we snuck a peek as C's new friend he's been telling us about.    The boy was kind and even took a break from wall ball to help C teach Ry to play.  It was cute.  Finally, the bell rang.  The kinders lined up on the #5 painted on the playground.  It was time for class.  The excitement took a back seat to reality, crap, mom's really going to leave me here.  He hesitated for a minuted and gave me a giant hug...a really long one. I told him he'd have to let go soon.  He whispered, "not yet".  My little heart melted.  So one last squeeze of a hug and he got in line.  Up the ramp he went with all the other little ducklings in a line.  Dad stepped up and gave him a high 5 and that's all he needed to know it was going to be OK.  The anxious face faded and that little cheesy smile we love came back out.

We walked down (we live very close to the school and we is hubbs and I - he took the day off for Ry's first day of Kindergarten as he did for C when he was 5) to the school to get him and when we got there he was all smiles and ready to go.  We asked him what he did and his answer " I just hung out".  LOL. Really? We saw the principal (who I adore a great deal-she's a very kind hearted person) on our way off he property and apparently he set quite the example for the rest of the kids she said, "he was a model student". HAHAHAHAHA. Whaaaat?  Well. I've trained him well.  He talks about what he had for lunch and the fact that he got to eat in a cafeteria which is almost as cool as getting a new bike.  If I had known that I could have saved a shit ton of money on his birthday.  Kidding.  Kind of. ;)   So we ask what else he did at school.  " I played, I criss cross applesauced, I went pee..."  me-"where did you pee? You know you can't pee outside at school right?".  Ry-"oh yes, I peed inside".  Try to hold your laughter in on that conversation.  He also told us about his sticker he had to wear that told them where each kid went at the end of the day: pick up/bus and how she told him he HAD to leave it on all day.  We get in the house and he takes a nap with ease.  Did I mention he fell asleep with his spiderman mask on? Yep. He did. When he gets up he comes out, still with the mask on, and tells me "can you call Ms. *** (censored for her privacy) and ask her if I can take my sticker off?  I'm bored of it now".    Seriously hilarious.

So C comes home and does his homework.  Without fuss. Can I say amazing?  So he tells me that he gave his N.F. (new friend also for their privacy) our phone number.  N.F. asked his dad if C could come to his birthday party and his dad said sure.  So C, the awesome kid that he is, asks "wait, does your family do drugs? Because I can't come over if your family does drugs" LMAO.  NF said "no, 100% they do not".  Pure Asperger  bluntness. I love it.

Cheers to a successful Monday.  Hope you all enjoy the rest of your week.

Offensive bows and Walmart anxiety.

I made the boys get up and get dressed so we could go to the store as I have avoided it so long we have no milk and no fruit.  As they were getting dressed C keeps asking what store we are going to and saying.. "I hope it's the market... I love the market. I hope it's not Walmart. I hate Walmart."  Over and over again.  I could see the anxiety welling up because he wasn't actually talking to me so I didn't respond to him.  I like to see if he can work out these things in his own mind and if that means talking to himself, then have it big boy.  However, I thought I was the only one who hated going to Walmart.  My reasons- people are rude, they are pushy, it takes too long.So this got me thinking about what may be his reasons-too many things to over stimulate his brain, too many people mean too many things to process about facial expressions and words that are confusing, and why people would stand so damn close to you? I'm sure it's much deeper and complex than I'll ever understand, but I suppose at least I'm trying.
So, we go to the market and get our milk, plums, and bananas.  We barely avoid the meltdown over not renting Transformers 3 for the gazillionth time, but make it out in tact.

I have been more in tune with the patterns of meltdown and anxiety.  I even notice myself feeling less angry about it, maybe because I'm more aware of how and why these things happen.  I use to take it so personally, but after a lot of reading of other peoples personal blogs and various books, I see that it isn't personal, which makes it REALLY hard to be angry at.  It's like being mad at an infant when they cry because they can't communicate their needs.  That's just ludicrous to think that's personal.  So I choose to think of his meltdowns in a similar fashion- not that he's baby, just that inability to communicate needs at times.  I'm allowed to be annoyed and frustrated, but I'm not allowed to be angry, because he doesn't know how else to communicate what he's feeling or even how to process it once the anxiety has set in.  I knew there would be a transitional period after our vacation.  I called it before we left.  Hubbs (my husband Danny) said he didn't think so because this was a good thing.  My argument- so was the mother freakin mattress that he loves so much, that caused the meltdown of the century because it didn't have handles so he didn't know how to make the bed now.  I saw it in his eyes yesterday that it was coming.  So I've been going along with the impending doom feeling over my head just waiting.  Part of me is feels for the kid and the other part of me is doing the touchdown dance because I was right.
We have successfully maneuvered around  at least 15 things that were sure to cause a full on meltdown that would normally lead to hours of crying and days of recovering.  So I say it's a win for now.

I said something to my MIL the other day that apparently has stuck with us both because we both keep talking about it.  I made a comment "My kids couldn't be more opposite.  I have one who would do anything in the world to be just like everyone else(C).  And one who tries everything he can to be different (Ry)."  It's funny to watch them.  C does so much of the parallel playing and mimicking of everything to try to do things the "right" way so people will accept him and he will blend in.  Ry wants to do everything different so he can stand out and be seen. It's hard to keep up!

I'm off on a quest to circumvent what proves to be a challenging day.  At the moment I'm saying the words most mothers fear  "Put the scissors down and walk away". LOL.  He's suppose to be cleaning his room, however he is very busy... Just not with that.  He's out here trying to cut pieces off a teddy bear because "the red bow offends him".  yes, those are his words.  Well studly, your cutting up a bear offends me.  Moving on.......

-Nikki

Surprise rafting and new beds.

Let me start by saying I'm blogging from my phone,  so there's bound to be some typos and really awesome autocorrects. 
After a few days of help from my mother in law, a break to go to the doctor and a hair cut and a pep talk while kid free,  I feel like a new woman!  Funny how something so small can make you feel so great.  Yesterday I gave C his MP3 player back after he got it taken away from him because it was a major impairment on his listening skills. Earlier in the day he was a mess. Yelling at me and Ry for previous events.  He was sitting at the table and I pulled the MP3 player out and set it in front of him. My M.I.L. whispered to him, " you should probably tell her thank you for giving it back even though you weren't very nice ".   He walks over to me very calmly and says " thank mom for giving it back..... even though I was a jerk ".  I asked him if he knew why he got it back. His answer was no. I explained to him that I gave it back because me having it had nothing to do with his behavior today.  What happened yesterday has nothing to do with today. He looked at me confused for a minute. Then without saying a word he threw his arms around me and gave me a giant hug. "Thanks mom " he said softly.  I had to fight back tears.
   Then on Saturday we had a surprise birthday party -rafting trip for a friend of ours. I wasn't sure how the boys would do on a 3-4 hour ride down the river. They did surprisingly well. Reports were it was super fun because they got to use squirt guns ( the giant dipsticks)  the whole time.  About half way down Ry requested to go back because he wanted to be done. But,  we got to a stopping point had some snacks and he got in the raft with bus other 2 favorite adults. At about 3 hours in I could see that C had reached his limit. He was no longer capable of sitting still and was obsessing over getting something in another raft. (We had 2 rafts that towed another 2 rafts with older kids and coolers.) When we finally got done we had an amazing bbq where everyone proceeded to eat too much. It was fun.... a lot of fun.
   C had a hard time going to bed. We started at 8:00 and struggled  with him until 9:45 when we simply shut the door. I think he even slept through the night.  I know I did. I woke up in the sane position I fell asleep in. Lol.
     On Friday we went to Costco and bought the boys their first set of new mattresses . They had twin size pillow top Sealy's for $119. The boys were so excited. .... until we got home. C was making his new bed and went into full meltdown mode. It sounded like something off the exorsist movies coming from his bedroom. After about.5 minutes of screaming and hyperventalating he comes out if his room with blood shot eyes and a Rosy face and says he can't stand the new mattress.  The old ones have handles in the mattress so it is easy to move. The new ones don't. I never would have imagined that a change as small and welcomed as a new mattress would bring so much turmoil. I showed him how to move it without handles and he grumbled for a bit,  but he eventually got done and seemed pleased at bed time.
     I find its easier to see things that are out if his control than I used too. A year ago I might have disciplined him for having a tantrum over a new bed. Can you imagine what it must feel like to always feel so anxious and over stimulated? 
     C seems to be doing better today after what seemed to be a good nights rest for everyone. Hes less confrontational and whiny. So that's always a plus.
     Fingers crossed for a peaceful evening,
     Nikki