Accountability and Understanding

     I find when I get busier that its harder to be understanding to what C is all about.  I find myself losing my patience more, saying things that aren't relevant, and not taking the time to try to decode him.  I laid in bed and regretted most of my attitude towards him that day.  Guilt is a horrible thing to feel.  He didn't do anything that I would consider wrong, I just felt like I no longer had the patience to really hear what he's saying and understand why he did what he did.  I woke up this morning and am still beating myself up a bit for it.  I know he says things that don't make sense to me, but he doesn't know how else to explain them.  I shouldn't fault him for that.  His thought process is just totally different than mine.  I see him mimicking things more and more.  Things that, as I reflect on it, I realize he has seen or heard somewhere else, or even worse, me.  I've known he mimics, but I suppose I've never been fully aware of how often and to what magnitude.  The very things I'm getting on his case about are things that I let him watch on tv, or allow him to hear in conversations.  They say children are like sponges, but most children don't have extraordinary memories and precise facts.  We made the decision yesterday to remove most of the television. We found we were getting too lax about the shows they were watching and it became an issue for him to even pause a show because he "HAD TOOOO" watch it.  No more Beyblade, no more Ninjago.   In the process we've corrupted him, he really likes ALF. hahaha... He's a child after my own heart.
   



 I wish there was a manual for parenting an Aspie.  And I suppose more than parenting,  a guide to understanding in the moment, not just in hindsight.   I've talked about it before, but managing yourself really is harder than trying to manage their behavior.  Being accountable for yourself, for lack of a better term, sucks.  I find I spend so much time trying to "train" my kids to be respectful and responsible, that it's possible I forgot to practice it myself.   



     On a brighter note, we had some friends from out of town stay with us last night.  Ry went to my mom's house so it was just C and 2 other kids (they have known each other their entire lives).  There was no fighting, no whining.  They played together the entire time up until about 10:30 this morning when they left.  I think it was good for him, he seems much more relaxed today.   All week I've watched his body get more and more tense.  By Friday his eyes were sunken in and darty, his shoulders were rolled up and he couldn't sit still.  A little break from his brother and a few friends who know how to follow the rules of and share similar interests in games.
     I'm off to buy stock in Adidas, (haha, not really but it seems like it) because they are the only shoes he will wear.  He won't wear sandals or flip flops, hates wearing socks, and cries when he can't wear his favorite shoes.  The peanut gallery can hold their comments about not letting your child be "picky".  Ask either one of my kids and they will tell you our motto is "you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit".  Until you have been in my "shoes" (pun totally intended) you can't judge.  There are certain things that have to be consistent where Asperger's is involved.  And if shoes is one of them, then so be it.