Pig wrestling and power stuggles.

I'm kind of bummed it's been so long since I've been able to post.  Things have been crazy. C has been keeping me on my toes.  He's began acting like the "terrible twos" and blaming everyone and everything for his "anger problem" he calls it.  Really, it's you acting like an ass and expecting everyone to bend to your every whim.  He attempted to pull the bunk bed over again yesterday and almost succeeded this time.  I can see the frustration in his eyes and he's been stuttering... Yes. Stuttering.  Where the hell did that come from?! I have been watching him more closely and have noticed him getting so angry that he can't find the words to even speak most of the time.  My anxiety is so high I feel like my heart is going to give out.  Ry cries all day long, C screams cries and throws stuff, and I sit feeling defeated unsure what to do next.  C has had "tantrums" before, but I'm used to meltdowns, which are similar, but very different in the way you handle them.  Meltdowns are heart breakingly frustrating.  Tantrums are infuriating.  And before anyone speaks up with what I should do, no, I don't give unnecessary attention to the tantrum.  No I don't give in.  I'm frustrated not a moron. I've never seen him so out of control with anger before. I don't know where this is coming from. 
As the start of school is creeping up on us I can't help but feel relieved for a daily break.  I'm at my whits end with this power struggle we are in.  But rest assured, I will be the sole victor here, with slightly more gray hair and about 30 pound heavier from all the fudgecicles.  And wouldn't you know it, I'm out of the damn things.  I don't usually have to go through two different power struggles at the same time.  However, they are both in full swing, at the same damn time.  Talk about double teaming.   It's times like this I am thankful I didn't have a girl.  It's no surprise to most of you that know me I have a very low tolerance for whining and crying.  I don't have the patience for a girl of my own.  I love other peoples girls, because they go home.  But lately, the universe is really testing my limits with these freaking boys of mine who bitch and cry over everything.  You would think by the way they are acting so entitled that I have always given them everything they want.  <- That by the way is hilarious. Never happened... Never will.  I make the choices I make for a reason, not to be their friend, not to be nice all the time.  But there is a fine line with C on giving him what he wants versus what he actually needs... Next point- sensory issues.
If  I hear one more fight about a certain fork that is smooth on the handle and the perfect weight I'm going shave my head Brittney Spears style (get the mental breakdown innuendo there? lol. ).  I don't even know where this stupid fork came from.  We've all heard the stories about people coming home to find socks or underwear that weren't theirs.  Well, I unloaded the dishwasher to a fork that wasn't mine one day about a year ago.  So this fork sits in the back of the drawer, because as my MIL phrased it I'm a silverware snob.  HAHA!  It's true, I'm not even gonna lie.  So, in the back of the drawer it sits.  I forget about it for a while.  Then one lazy day we only had a few clean "normal" forks.  Long story short, C ended up with this fork.  It was smooth unlike the regular ones.  It balanced in his little hand just right.  And there birthed the bane of my year.  From that point on all he wanted to use was the smooth fork.  He would begin to have panic attacks if he couldn't find it.  If it's clean go ahead and knock yourself out, use it.  But if it's dirty, I'm not washing it just so you can use it 40 times a day.  I'm a lot of things, but you're personal assistant is not one of them.  Then, a few days ago, Ry decides he wants to try it out. O...M..G.  You would have thought aliens landed and killed the dog and the fish, turned around and stuck their tongue out and mooned us.  He was appalled and pissed all at the same time.  I took the fork and I hid it. I hid it good.  Which turned into a "thanks a lot for getting my special fork taken away RYYYKEEEER!" slap fight.  Really, you were pig wrestling around trying to get the fork from each other and someone was about to be a kabob.  He still looks for it, I find him slinking around trying to find it.  But he never will.  I haven't decided when, or if I'm going to give it back.  I'm in the market for new silverware, even though mine are perfect to my liking so there are no more fights over the damn thing. Oh, did I fail to mention C actually said "your silverware is offensive to me".  Are you kidding me? You're attitude is offensive to ME.
I'm always hopeful for a better tomorrow.  So far this month I'm striking out.  However, come September 5th, for 7 hours, It will be sweet, peaceful bliss.  What transpires after 3:20 p.m. might be a different story, but at least then I will be "recharged" enough to deal with it.

Enjoy the last few days of Summer break everyone, and indulge in the sweet, sweet hours they are back in school.  The quiet won't last. ;)

School anxiety and my fudgey catnip.

I finally got to talk to C's new teacher and she was very receptive of us wanting to meet before school starts to try and ease some of C's anxieties about returning to school. 
Here's a list of his concerns:

• what if the new teacher isn't as nice as Mrs. Miller?
• what if the new teacher isn't as patient as Mrs. Miller?
• will I have a quiet place to go when I need it like Mrs. Miller had for me?
• what if the kids are still jerks?
• what if the other kids eat things I can't because of my braces and expanders? 
• ^^ that's not going to be fair.^^
• how will I know where to go in the new building?
• what if the other teachers don't like me?
• maybe no one will like me.
• Can I still see Mrs. Miller?
• ^Will my new teacher let me?^
• Will they let me have other choices for recess like I had at the other school?
• Can I play wall ball?
• Will the other kids let me play wall ball?
• Will the other kids finally follow the rules of wall ball?

Aaaannnndddd, BREATHE! So I talked to her and we will meet twice before school starts. Once next week with just us to get the lay of the land and come up with a strategy and safe places/ activities for when things get overwhelming.  And once the day before school when the other teachers and some other students are there to get a sense of who he will be encountering.  My hope is to take 50% of his fears and squash them so the transition is mildly tumultuous not horrific. I can't take them all away, but this is the best way I can figure to help ease the stress.  My MIL suggested we take some pictures of the class room and other places he will be during school time so he can look over them from time to time and get a sense of comfort about his surroundings.  I think that's a great idea.  Hopefully the teacher doesn't think we are crazy. lol. 

I've also come up with a plan for the kids going to daycare.  Since I don't start school until the end of the month, I am going to let the kids go to school for 2 weeks.  The 3rd week on Tuesday and Thursday, they boys will ride the bus to daycare and stay for 30 minutes, then I will go pick them up.  This way the get established at school a bit and then add in day care the week before I actually have to go back to school, that way if there are any issues that arise I am available to take care of them.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.  Because I am. Part of me is worried about how they will handle the newness of me being unavailable and the rocky transition for C.  The other part is worried about how well I'm going to handle his meltdowns with such a full plate. 

On another note, I'm trying to decide if I have enough time to stay involved with the Policy Council for Head Start.  I'm thinking yes.  It's something I really enjoy doing even though it's kind of boring. lol. I also resigned my position as the VP of the PTO, I really am afraid of stretching myself too thin.  I don't want to add something else that I feel like I HAVE to do.  I had to be honest with myself and I think they understood, I hope so at least.

Well kids, it's time to clean up the house and win the fight against the sugar ants that won't seem to go away... and... I'm out of fudgesicles, so I no longer have an excuse to hide in the closet.  GAAAHHH!  Fudgesicles are like my catnip. I get all warm feeling inside and want to roll around on the floor with the empty wrapper.  I can't help it. I'm a fat kid at heart- don't judge. haha.

Offensive bows and Walmart anxiety.

I made the boys get up and get dressed so we could go to the store as I have avoided it so long we have no milk and no fruit.  As they were getting dressed C keeps asking what store we are going to and saying.. "I hope it's the market... I love the market. I hope it's not Walmart. I hate Walmart."  Over and over again.  I could see the anxiety welling up because he wasn't actually talking to me so I didn't respond to him.  I like to see if he can work out these things in his own mind and if that means talking to himself, then have it big boy.  However, I thought I was the only one who hated going to Walmart.  My reasons- people are rude, they are pushy, it takes too long.So this got me thinking about what may be his reasons-too many things to over stimulate his brain, too many people mean too many things to process about facial expressions and words that are confusing, and why people would stand so damn close to you? I'm sure it's much deeper and complex than I'll ever understand, but I suppose at least I'm trying.
So, we go to the market and get our milk, plums, and bananas.  We barely avoid the meltdown over not renting Transformers 3 for the gazillionth time, but make it out in tact.

I have been more in tune with the patterns of meltdown and anxiety.  I even notice myself feeling less angry about it, maybe because I'm more aware of how and why these things happen.  I use to take it so personally, but after a lot of reading of other peoples personal blogs and various books, I see that it isn't personal, which makes it REALLY hard to be angry at.  It's like being mad at an infant when they cry because they can't communicate their needs.  That's just ludicrous to think that's personal.  So I choose to think of his meltdowns in a similar fashion- not that he's baby, just that inability to communicate needs at times.  I'm allowed to be annoyed and frustrated, but I'm not allowed to be angry, because he doesn't know how else to communicate what he's feeling or even how to process it once the anxiety has set in.  I knew there would be a transitional period after our vacation.  I called it before we left.  Hubbs (my husband Danny) said he didn't think so because this was a good thing.  My argument- so was the mother freakin mattress that he loves so much, that caused the meltdown of the century because it didn't have handles so he didn't know how to make the bed now.  I saw it in his eyes yesterday that it was coming.  So I've been going along with the impending doom feeling over my head just waiting.  Part of me is feels for the kid and the other part of me is doing the touchdown dance because I was right.
We have successfully maneuvered around  at least 15 things that were sure to cause a full on meltdown that would normally lead to hours of crying and days of recovering.  So I say it's a win for now.

I said something to my MIL the other day that apparently has stuck with us both because we both keep talking about it.  I made a comment "My kids couldn't be more opposite.  I have one who would do anything in the world to be just like everyone else(C).  And one who tries everything he can to be different (Ry)."  It's funny to watch them.  C does so much of the parallel playing and mimicking of everything to try to do things the "right" way so people will accept him and he will blend in.  Ry wants to do everything different so he can stand out and be seen. It's hard to keep up!

I'm off on a quest to circumvent what proves to be a challenging day.  At the moment I'm saying the words most mothers fear  "Put the scissors down and walk away". LOL.  He's suppose to be cleaning his room, however he is very busy... Just not with that.  He's out here trying to cut pieces off a teddy bear because "the red bow offends him".  yes, those are his words.  Well studly, your cutting up a bear offends me.  Moving on.......

-Nikki

oceans and blow guns.

Our week of camping went pretty smooth.  We of course had a few minor bumps, but nothing major.  C- wanted to be friends with a kid in the camp site next to us, but with all the parallel play that goes on with him, we had to cut the friendship short on the first day.  The "neighbor" kid was the definition of the kid off Toy Story that burned it's toys in the backyard and blew them up with firecrackers.  He had a blow gun and tried to shoot pine needles and cones at Ry and told stories of falling in the firepit at various times and putting fire crackers in fires and watching them go "BOOOM!!".  Then he proceeded to tell C that he could break his wrist in one move.  All I could think was, " really kid. Keep talking and his literal sense will show you how to do it... If he doesn't I might". Oh, did I mention that the GRANDPA of this kid walked around smoking a joint every 30-45 minutes?  I thought C was going to crap his pants with horror that someone would actually do that in front of kids and especially a baby (the blow dart kid had a tiny sister around 1 yr-18 months old).  He was very upset, I thank Young Marines for that drug awareness class. 
     So for conversation sake we will call this kid BDK (blow dart kid).  So, since we told the boys they weren't allowed to play with BDK they moved on to the other boys with bikes.  Every time they would ride around the camp loop they would have a new kid riding along side.  So BDK would come over to our camp and tell us how we are "suppose" to do things.  He would throw things in our fire and the mom and grandma would look over and let it happen.   When I was cooking dinner that consisted of ribs, potato salad, and baked beans, the kid says "you guys are lucky.. I think we're having ramen noodles.  They are cooking right now".  My MIL (mother in law) looked at him and said with a straight face " then maybe you should go over there and see".  I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants.  He kept trying to invite himself to eat with us. I'm not a babysitter, I'm not a nanny.  I have my own kids, and right now I'm busy NOT watching them while they act like boys on their bikes somewhere... over ... there (think scarecrow scene from Wizard of Oz).  Thankfully with C's sense of rules I was able to let them ride their bikes around the "C" loop of the campgound until their feet wanted to fall off.
     The boys went fishing a few times and C caught a tiny fish and Ry caught some seaweed and a crab, which we ate for dinner. lol.

 My MIL wanted to go clamming so we got up early on Saturday and went on a quest for clams during minus tide.  We didn't have any rubber boots, so the walk out was disgusting and gave me a mild anxiety attack since we were in the bay.  But once we got out there it was just sand.  I wish I could have gotten pictures, Ry cried almost the whole time and C would find the ones that spit and would start digging for them.  It was pretty cool.  I would walk along with my dowel stick and find them and Danny and my MIL would dig them out.  We walked away with 3/4 of a bucket full of clams of different sorts. Some really big ones and some butter clams I think they were called.  Ry sliced his foot open on a broken shell, C- fell and scrapped his leg and elbow and also caught "big " air and ate crap on his bike.
     A few minor meltdown and some marshmallows and we were set.  It was fun, but I'm glad to be home.  I'm hesitant about how the day will go.  So far so good.  But there's always that adjustment period where C goes into fight of flight mode for a few days and his sensory issues rear their ugly head.  I did read on another blog "Inner Aspie" ( http://inneraspie.blogspot.com/ )that sometimes a strong touch will help calm the nerves.  He was laying down for a nap because his eyes were super darty and he was starting to go into panic mode from being too overstimulated with how the day was going.  I put my hand on his arm lightly and he kept moving away.  So what I had read popped into my head and I placed my hand very firmly on his harm and I felt his whole body relax and he whispered "thank you mom" and fell asleep almost instantly.
     Hopefully we make it through this week unscathed.

-Nikki